Friday, January 10, 2014

Retrospective 2013

Vill du läsa Retrospektivet på svenska, så har jag postat det här: Retrospktivet 2013

 Normally I always do a year chronicle, ut this year I feel like a retrospective makes more sense.

2013 was a really eventful year. This is the year that I feel that I found myself, the year where a lot of stuff just fell into place, mentally, emotionally, well everything basically.

Let us start from the beginning; my first trip to Brazil didn't maybe change my life, but it gave me some space to breathe. I felt like I had a new goal in life and that I really could leave the Ski jumping behind me. Don't get me wrong, ski jumping has been a huge part of my life, but sometimes it's just time to move on, not to get any re-lapse. I don't think one can do this if you are not ready for it, and during my time in Rio, during the time Planica och the ski flying was taking place and I didn't miss it at all, I actually even forgot about the fact it was taking place and I didn't even put two and two together when I saw people's status updates on Facebook. But mainly, I didn't care, it was almost an aversion, like I was thinking "God, how nice it feels to avoid all that".

During the year, I met amazing new friends (will come a post about that too soon), lost other friends, or they simply showed their "true colors". Won't swipe it under the rug, the betrayals came one after the other throughout the year and there were friends that I could check off the list as the time passed by. With me you get one real shot. Other friends showed once more how they are and that they are not reliable, while others really showed that they were there, new ones as old ones - absoutely there were sme surprices.

What I learned during this year about friendships is not to really try too much, just let it be, let it go. This has made it a bit easier for me during this year. 

To once again come back to Sweden showed me one more time, and this time it went all the way through to me; that I don't belong here. I don't like to be in Sweden and I think that I will never be fine here, so its just to make the decision, a decision that should have been made a long time ago, and just to skip all the bad excuses; I will never live here. 

This year also made me open up to people... much more than I've ever done before. When I flew back to Rio de Janeiro, there was a person coming into my life, totally blindsided me, and kinda "got me at hello". Was I in love for the first time in my life? Maybe. My friends in Rio, told me so anyways. This guy got me to see life from another point of view, got me to feel stuff  that didin't make any sense.  I think that he will always be a special person in my life. He learned me so much during a short space of time...about myself. It was like the light went on (and no, I'm not talking about sex now, come on...). It's a guy that won't be ready for the next 10 years or something like tat, for anything serious, I'm not naive. We both know it would never work, but still, we can't really let eachother go totally. 

In the end, I had enough, fuck that, during the same time another football-player wanted to go and grab dinner, I was about to decline, but I thought WFT, free dinner... (my mindset was not the best one right there and then), totally not dressed up, jeansshorts and a crochet-top, I met up with the guy, who means so much to me now. He's like the oposite to the other one, and so out of the blue, but yeah, sometimes life gives you a curveball,  right?

I also realized that I'm best with my "family" when we have some distance between us, that our relationship is best in that way. You know when the "missing-part" is there?

I realized that one can be depressed whereever one is in the world, but that it is easier to get out off bed in some places than other. I may love shopping and fashion, but there are many things in life that I cherish and value so much more.

Rasism is something of the most disgusting thing I know, and it makes me feel sick, figuratively, when this nonsense gets out of people's mouths, its not even worth to response to. 

As said 2013 maybe wasn't the best year everm but it probaby was one of the years that taught me the most. Don't want to call it life-lessons, rather revelations. No excuses, just do it.

Thank You 2013, and Welcome 2014 so fucking much. I'm really looking forward to You!

Life Is A Journey...

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