The time is soon turning 01.00 in the middle of the night and thoughts are just spinning around. Really about everything, or it all spinns around guys, well I wouldn't really want to say that everything IS guys, but in a wierd way, a lot is, and most of it, really, in some way they always maintain there, far away, in the back of our brains and we can't really do anything about it. We do think that they are stupid, cute, sexy, assholes, crazy, dumb, sweet, gorgeous etc... etc... etc...
I think that everyone have their dreamboy someplace, we exactly know how he looks like, and many of us already have met him, and just want to have him, but the most important thing with the dreamboy is that he is a dream, we aren't suppose to get him, but in our minds we believe that it will happen, someday, somehow in some way we will get him. We live on this dream and it takes us through every bad thing that happens... I remember those days, when it was like that, it was nonproblematic...
But what happens, when this dream gets crashed? You wonder how? Well, I mean, when you in a wierd way, out of nowhere, without really knowing how and why, just gets this guy. Afterwards, OK you are maybe filled with joy, but than the real world comes over you, the boy in your dream can't stay there anymore, 'cause he is not a dream anymore, he's totally real, and you had him. You'll feel empty, there is noone to fill the space up and you don't know what to do. You try to put other persons there, but now you never really believe that it is a dream, why be happy about something that is real and not really unpossible? You can't really call such a thing a dream.
I don't say that you don't find other dreamboys, but you don't really go for the surreal ones, you just hold yourself near the real life barrier. Maybe it sounds great, it isn't. The barrier is always there, the girl that was so self secure, or seemed to be anyways, all in a sudden just go for those that she don't really wants, she tells herself that she does, but afterwards she realize that so wasn't the case at all. Will she manage to get over the barrier and everything seems good, she can't really realize it and she put up another barrier, this one she can't climb thourgh, ends up with a dissappontment on both sides, one where someone is thinking on a failure, feeling abondon, not wanted... The other side is thinking, this was good, the dream is still a dream, but then the sadness comes in, the guilt of doing something that really wasn't right, and you can't do it undone, you can't run back... She never runs back, doesn't really matter how much she wants to, there is something pulling her forward, there is no return.
We meet again, we look at eachother, we don't really need any words, I lower my eye, loosing the contact, without showing any feelings, more like I didn't know you, I regret myself as soon its done, I want to run to you, talk, whatever, make you understand, but no, there is no returning back, nobody understands me, I won't let them, I won't let you, it doesn't really matter what I want, it is the way it should be.
You're not suppose to get your dreamboy, I got mine, mo I have to take the consequenses, nothing will ever be the same again...
KiSSeS,
Vicky
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